There is nothing like a looming birthday to get you thinking about time and choices made over a lifetime. All my ruminating on life took me down some quantum physics rabbit holes via a book from a friend "Busting Loose from the Money Game", the 2004 movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?", and several podcasts.
At a VERY basic level quantum physics is (according to Google):
The study of matter and energy at the most fundamental level. It aims to uncover the properties and behaviors of the very building blocks of nature.
As best as I can tell, those tiny building blocks (aka quanta) don't always do what is expected or predicted. This means that when scientist work with them they work in probabilities not certainties.
That leaves a lot of room for ambiguity.
Being in a state of ambiguity, or not knowing something for certain, is typically not desirable although it is, in my experience, quite authentic (defined by the online dictionary as relating to or denoting an emotionally appropriate, significant, purposive, and responsible mode of human life).
And that is where this upcoming birthday finds me...in a state of not knowing, or, in a state of probabilities.
My first experience of living this way was when we lived on our sailboat, BOREAS. We had very little control over our environment--the weather dictated every decision--and it was constantly changing. In the morning we would listen to all the weather reports and watch the sky for clues but there were no guarantees what the day would bring.
At first it was very uncomfortable and scary but over time I came to embrace it and find freedom in it.
Freedom from exhaustive planning.
Freedom from rigid schedules.
Freedom from needing to KNOW what was happening.
Instead we learned to stand tall in our skills and abilities and trust that we would make the right decision in the moment.
It was exhilarating!
My recent look at quantum physics has reminded me of those lessons: We live in THIS moment and we are the creators of how we manage ourselves in every moment.
So bring on my birthday and all the possible outcomes for the next year--I'm confident I will navigate the unknowable probabilities and create a fascinating year one painting at a time.
Close up of my "Spirit Rose" painting in progress.