Facing Doubts

Getting ready to paint the backdrop for my next SENSORY-SCAPE painting

As I begin work on my next SENSORY-SCAPE painting, I am fighting the feeling of futility on several levels. Here are two:

One level is that I'm not sure it makes sense to be making "happy" paintings when so many people are living in fear and uncertainty. Some dear friends proactively immigrated to another country to avoid political persecution here, and I know other people who are worried about losing their jobs. Personally, we are trying to build our dream "age-in-place" home, and the construction costs are rising so quickly that I have no idea if it will ever become a reality.

All of which leaves me feeling like I'm wasting my time making paintings featuring beautiful scenery and sensory-rich objects.

Instead, maybe I should be making paintings with some sort of clever political commentary or biting societal observations.

The problem is I can't think of any! Instead, I long to get into nature or to go into my studio and surround myself with the music I love, my dog, and my work.

But dear reader, I feel guilty doing those things. Even though I know they are imperative for my mental health and for managing stress.

sigh

Another level of that feeling of futility is that I question my ability to paint landscapes. They weren't part of my training at the atelier, and so I'm figuring it out as I go. Most pastel artists render landscapes with wide sweeps of the side of the pastel. Not me. I carefully layer and blend multiple pastels using light pressure, with very specific and intentional tiny marks.

For me, it's easy to get caught up in the details, and I fear that I am losing the feeling of the scene because of those details.

This relates to my earlier post asking if realism is passé, which you can read by clicking this link: https://www.mosstudiocr.com/post/is-realism-pass%C3%A9

Certainly, the two curators I mentioned in that article didn't prefer detailed, realistic paintings.

Recently, a friend and I went to a group art exhibition, and took the time to really look at each painting. There were several landscapes where every blade of grass was placed just so, every flower faced the viewer, and every leaf of every tree was painstakingly painted.

I did not like those paintings.

To me, they looked forced and overworked.

Which made me ask myself if my landscapes are similar.

In some ways, they are.

sigh

So what am I going to do?

Well, because the whole reason I started the 5 Senses Art Project was to celebrate the senses and embrace enjoying life despite its difficulties, I think I will simply get on with it. And I will continue to learn different pastel landscape techniques as I go.

As for all those doubts that bubble up as I work? Well, I'm going to do my best to simply ignore them.

Wish me luck! 😊